Gift Wrapping for Bird Owners:

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to cupboard and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut
door.

3. Open door and remove bird from cupboard.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove bird from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors,
labels, etc. . .

7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping
strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove bird that has been in the drawer
since last visit and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove bird from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove bird from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Try and smooth out paper, realize bird is underneath and remove bird.

14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.

15. Throw away first sheet as bird chased the scissors, and tore the paper.

16. Cut second sheet of paper to size – by putting bird in the bag the

present came in.

17. Place present on paper.

18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don’t
reach.
Realize bird is between present and paper. Remove bird.

19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent
sticky
tape.

20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape
from
bird with pair of nail scissors.

21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase bird down hall in order to retrieve
ribbon.

23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two directional turn.

24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to bird’s
enthusiastic ribbon chase.

25. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.

26. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of
losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right
size for sheet of paper.

27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

28. Remove sting, open box and remove bird.

29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable
room.

30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to re-lay out paper and
materials.

31. Remove bird from box, unlock door, put bird outside door, close and
re-lock

32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear bird
from outside door)

33. Lay out last sheet of paper.(This will be difficult in the small area
of
the toilet, but do your best)

34. Discover bird has already chewed the paper. Unlock door go out and hunt
through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year’s paper. Remember
that you haven’t got any left because bird helped with this last year as
well.

35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make
torn sheet of paper look presentable.

36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with
sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.

37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on
completing a difficult job.

38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed bird.

39. Spend 15 minutes looking for bird until coming to obvious conclusion

40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove bird.

41. Go to shops and buy a gift bag.

~Posted from Heather’s iPhone

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